Love – Submission
How do I explain how those are connected in my mind? The idea of submission draws up so many negative connotations for most women, but yet in my mind it is so far from negative as to be practically the opposite. I really don’t know how this came about...I guess you could start a whole nature vs. nurture debate on the subject. Why some women are naturally inclined towards submissiveness and others very much not is I would guess a subject for some trained psychologist somewhere. All I know is my own experience, my own feelings towards the matter. And here lately I’ve felt the need to put it down on paper, to write it out and basically explore my own feelings on the subject.
See when I think of submissiveness I tend to see different kinds of submissive behavior – different levels so to speak. For me there is a big difference between the kind of submissiveness I feel towards my husband and some of the “examples” people think of when they think of a submissive woman.
When I think about being a submissive – I think of giving myself completely to my husband. I see it as a gift I offer to him. When I give my body to him for his pleasure it is offered to him because of the incredible love I have for him. He enjoys my body. In my mind my body was made for his pleasure. As his wife it is my “job” to pleasure him….to ensure that he is happy, content and sexually satisfied. And I try to take that job seriously. I feel like it is one of the many, many ways I can show him how deep my love for him is and it is probably the most tangible way for me to do so.
There are a lot of reasons, I think, that cause me to think and feel this way. Some of them I think just have to do with how I’m wired as a person. Others come from my past experiences. Ironically, my first marriage was to a very dominant male personality and I was miserable. He was pretty much a male chauvinistic pig who saw women as objects, property. He treated me very poorly. He attacked my self-esteem, my self-worth and made me feel like I was incapable of surviving without him. “Hmmm, I don’t get the difference”…you might be saying at this point. Yeah, I know for some people that is exactly what they think is going on when a woman is submissive to a man. They immediately think it means that she has no will of her own; they think it means that she becomes a doormat, that she is just asking to be taken advantage of and used. But my personal experience tells me different. When I was married to my first husband I was the same strong, intelligent, loving woman I am today. I had hopes, dreams, desires and ideas of my own. My ex was a dominant personality from a place of malice and k, selfishness. He wasn’t dominant because he was a strong, confident man who loved me and wanted to take care of me. He was dominant because he was a bully, who was selfish and wanted someone to take care of him. He had no desire to protect me or cherish me; he only wanted to use me.
It’s very different with my second husband. We’ve been married for 20 years now. Its only lately we’ve been exploring this dominant/submissive thing but it’s been an underlying desire of mine for along time. When I met him my first impressions of him were that he was a very strong, confident man. Some of my first interactions with him involved him actually criticizing my previous husband for treating me like a doormat. I remember thinking “wow, are there men out there that actually respect women like that?” Now if you asked him he would probably beg to differ. He would tell you that he’s not really that confident of a person or that he’s not the man I think he is…but he’d be wrong. It comes naturally to him. His very personality exudes leadership, confidence, and strength. When he wraps his arms around me I know without a doubt that he would move heaven and earth to protect me and keep me safe. That is a really good feeling. It is from knowing he loves me that much that I am able to submit myself (heart, body & soul) to him willingly. When I think about how much he loves me, how much he would and HAS sacrificed for me, I want to give him back something valuable in return. I want to give him a clear tangible sign of how much I love him, how much I desire him, how much I would do for him. And for me being submissive in the bedroom….being HIS submissive is a way for me to do that. And doing so brings me more pleasure than you can imagine.
I receive incredible pleasure (both emotional AND sexual) from submitting to him. When he exerts his dominance in the bedroom it brings me tremendous excitement. When I use my body to bring him pleasure it brings me pleasure and satisfaction. When he asks me to do things specifically for him – it excites me that I will be able to do something to show my love for him, that I will be able to please him. With the first marriage I felt incredibly worthless, I felt like a piece of meat, an object. With my husband now I feel so valued, so loved, so special. He has called me his “precious” for a very long time and he makes me feel that way.
What a lot of people don’t understand is that in a true dom/sub relationship the submissive does in fact have power. In most dominant/submissive relationships (at least the ones I’ve encountered) the dominant acts out of love or caring towards his submissive, he desires to protect her, take care of her, treasure her as his. She belongs to him and is thus valuable. Do I belong to my husband...Oh yes! I belong to him in every way, but I belong to him because it is MY desire to be his. It is my desire for our relationship to exist in this fashion. I know that he loves me and I know that I have levels of control in our relationship. I don’t feel like choosing this type of existence makes me less of a woman or makes me less intelligent or diminishes my strength as a woman….I actually feel the opposite.
Just some personal thoughts….comment if you agree or disagree. I’d love to hear thoughts from others.
